About the scariest thing about telling you about me is that will just about send you running for the hills! But here we go anyway because I’d rather you know what you’re getting into.
I am a perfectly normal human being. I am 45, a mother to a 20 year old autistic son and a 19 year old daughter who has Asperger’s Syndrome. I have been married to the love of my life for 22 years. I’m an artist/artisan.
I like cats, bright colours, narwhals, Iron Man, sea food, Monster High dolls, World of Warcraft, steak, a warm breeze on a sunny day, music, liver and onions, reading, drinking coffee and staring at goats.
I was born on my birthday in a small town in 1970. I was a child; it wasn’t fun. But there was love, there was a lot of love. My parents divorced. I moved to a bigger town. I became a teenager; it was worse than being a child. There was love, there was grief, there was tension. My grandmother died. There was a hole in the middle of me. I met a sweet manbeast with thick glasses and a soft smile. He became my first and has since been my only. I had children; it was everything I could have dreamed of. They are my life. There is love, so much love.
As far back as I can remember, I have been anxious. I was an anxious baby, an anxious child, an anxious teenager and now I am full fledged bonafide anxious adult. I should point out that the jury is still out on whether or not I really am an adult. All that anxiety led to the blues, which led to depression which led to pills which led to side effects which led to stopping pills which led to getting depressed again which led to new pills and so on and so forth.
Physically I was fine most of my early life (a little asthma, allergies, nearsightedness, menstrual cramps) but then I had to develop serious allergies, my monthly period became a blood bath, I had a placenta praevia when my son was born which led to an emergency Cesarean section, another c-section for my daughter, ovarian cyst, hysterectomy, gall bladder removal and my crowning achievement: Fibromyalgia/Poly-Arthralgia!
You combine all the emotional booboos with all the physical ones and in December of 2015, I decided to end my life. I had my plan. I couldn’t take any more pain or grief. I wanted to be gone. I was sure my family would be relieved.
Thankfully, I told my beloved manbeast and he took me to the E.R. and I spent a month in the psychiatric ward. That is where all the labels that fit my pain were found:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Panic disorder with Agoraphobia
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
As well as some traits of:
Avoidance Personality Disorder
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Dependent Personality Disorder
The point of this blog is to give me a place to express all I feel, think and what I experience. I’m doing it for me, but I am glad if you want to join me for the journey to a better life and a better me.