Daze like these are best spent yodeling into an empty washing machine.

on

 

Have you ever heard of Fibro Fog? No? Aaaaw! It’s Fibro’s favourite game! It’s really easy! Basically, you have a thought or an idea and Fibro leaps to catch it and hide it in one of his pockets. That’s when the fun begins!

For example: You are sitting (See Kama Sitta post that I have yet to post because my brain refused to barf it all out before it barfed out this one! Now you’re probably thinking: “Well why even refer to it if you’re not ready to post it! It’s not like the word sitting is gonna trigger any reactions from anyone who… say… HAS NO IDEA YOU’RE WRITING A POST ABOUT SITTING!” And my answer to that is: YEAH TOAST!)

So… you’re sitting at your computer. You feel a slight need to pee. You think to yourself: I need to pee. You get up, Fibro leaps in and grabs the thought. You are momentarily dazed. You look around. You have no idea what you’re doing on your feet. You sit back down.

Later on you start feeling pressure in your bladder. “I really need to pee!” you think to yourself. You get up and walk to the bedroom doorway. You look towards the living room… no… that’s not where you’re going… or it is? You look towards the laundry closet… no. You look towards the bathroom… no. “I probably wanted water” you think to yourself. Fibro is peeking at you from around the corner, giggling quietly. You go get water. You sit back down at your computer.

You feel intense discomfort in your lower abdomen; it feels like someone is stabbing you with knitting needles! You don’t just need to pee anymore, no, you need to run to the bathroom or else your bladder will explode! So you get up and walk quickly towards the bathroom as Fibro chases after you and tries to grab your feet. You waddle awkwardly to the toilet, pull your pants down and plop yourself on the seat. You let out a ragged breath and let nature take its course. You give Fibro a death stare and he just smiles his most angelic smile at you.

Another example: You’re sitting at your computer (yes, I know, I spend too much time there!) and you suddenly remember you need to buy toothpaste because you ran out last night. You think to yourself, “I better write that one thing I need down before I forget it and end up toothpasteless and am condemned to wake up tomorrow feeling like a small animal crawled into my mouth and died.”. You pull the note pad out of your drawer. Fibro grins like a Cheshire Cat. You open it and think for a moment, “hmm… what did I want to write?”. You write:

-antacid
-socks for myself
-…

That was it… right?! I mean… one of these two things is it. I distinctly remember I needed to write down that ONE thing I NEED to buy. I don’t really NEED socks… so it must be the antacid. 

No… wait… there was something else…

-antacid
-socks for myself
-bag of lemons!

Ok… it wasn’t bag of lemons but I totally do need a bag of lemons, so yay.

You return to your very important mission of taming Loque’Nahak in Sholazar Basin. (#obscureworldofwarcraftreference) Fibro sits next to you with a very self satisfied grin; you wonder what he’s so happy about.

Throughout the day, you add little things to the list as they come to mind. You’re convinced the very important thing must be on it… has to be… this list is getting long… surely that one thing is on there. Surely.

-antacid
-socks for myself
-bag of lemons
-mangoes
-pink t-shirt (changed my mind)
-cork board for the bedroom
-cat food

A few hours later, you’re getting ready to go run your errands. You put on your coat, go downstairs, get in the car and pull out onto the street. Your manbeast asks: “You’ve got the list, right?”. Fibro giggles in the backseat. Of course you don’t have the list; it’s right where you left it, on the kitchen table. Manbeast drives back home. You get out of the car, walk up the stairs and start rummaging through your purse to find your keys. Fibro stands behind you, giggling again. Then you remember, your keys are inside the apartment, on their hook, because when you went to grab them, you looked at your pretty scarf and decided to put it on. And that’s when Fibro stole the idea of taking your keys off the hook and you put your scarf on and walked out, grinning like a dumb girl with her pretty foofoo scarf! 

You go back down the stairs and get manbeast’s keys. You go up the stairs, walk to the kitchen, stand there, momentarily confused. You throw Fibro a sideways glare. He smiles and points to the table. Ah yes! The damned list. You grab the list and run downstairs with the grace and speed of paraplegic gazelle.

You run your errands with one simple thought going through your mind: getting home as soon as possible because Fibro won’t stop stabbing your hip with your keys, the ones you finally did pick up when you left the second time.

You come home with:

-a bag of lemons
-socks for the manbeast (didn’t find any you liked for yourself)
-panties (they were on sale)
-pink t-shirt (Changed my mind again)
-cat food
-colourful push pins for the cork board (You didn’t find any cork board, but fuck it, you’ve got colourful push pins!)
-the wrong brand of cat food that you were absolutely positive was the right brand

The rest of your day goes on uneventfully… That’s a total lie. Fibro and depression ganged up on you earlier and you wept at a car commercial on YouTube because it reminded you of that really sad thing you can’t remember now because Fibro replaced your brain with puréed Jell-O.

Finally, the day is at an end. You know it was crappy but you can’t remember half of it. It’s been one of those Fibro Fog days, after all. You stand in front of the bathroom sink, turn on the hot water tap, grab your toothbrush and hold it under the water, you open the medicine cabinet…

Toothpaste. I needed to buy toothpaste. I NEEDED TO BUY TOOTHPASTE!!!!! You whirl around, looking Fibro straight in the face and you shriek IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NEEEEEEEEEEEEEDED TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH PAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSTE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

Fibro is laughing so hard he can’t breathe. Depression is smirking a bit. You turn back to the sink, defeated, and you brush your teeth with baking soda. You crawl into bed with your manbeast… and Fibro… and Depression.

Tomorrow is another day, you think to yourself. Fibro takes that thought and hides it in Depression’s pocket.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. weirdagain says:

    I have so many notebooks and lists and calendars and various other task keeping methods and they all will still fail me on occasion. My brain has shorted, completely Swiss cheesed, thoughts run through like I wide holed sieve. Fibro fog, medicine head, and (I still claim) baby brain have me forgetting details large and small.
    Yet I still remember lyrics from TV shows that haven’t been on the air in 20 some odd years and various obscure facts. I could conquer a trivia night but completely space on a doctor’s appointment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ziriss says:

      I’ve said it before… you and I must have been separated at birth!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. weirdagain says:

        I mean, my mom was convinced for the longest time that I had been switched at birth….So…Who knows?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your writing is just so lovely! Thanks for sharing this, hun. My ADHD is the one grinning at me and hiding away my thoughts… And hell does it ever get on my loved ones’ nerves! But hey! I have ADHD, I can’t help it!

    Liked by 1 person

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