Brain dump.

I now present: Shit that came out of my brain and found its way into my “writing brainstorming” document on Google Drive that I have suddenly decided to share with you because it’s my fucking blog and I’ll post what I damn well please, bitch! And here I am, holding myself hostage to the imagined…

I wanna pet you, not fuck you!

(trigger warning: child abuse) Have you ever fallen head over heels in “I have no idea what to call this intense love that has no sexual overtone” with someone? Ever wanted to hug them and squeeze them and hold them and call them George? Have you ever wanted to stroke someone’s cheek, look deeply into…

Don’t tell me how I feel.

You’re wrong. But you’re louder than me, so you win, but you’re still wrong. If I tell you that you hurt me, you don’t get to decide whether or not I am right. You don’t get to decide what hurts me and what doesn’t. And you don’t get to decide the level of hurt I…

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I’m still letting other people’s opinions control how I communicate and what I say. How long is it going to take before I truly set myself free and just write for ME? How long is it going to take before I stop censoring myself and just speak my truth, in my own words and stop…

Blocked. Locked. Fucked.

I wanna write. And I know that it should be easy; Just. Fucking. Write. Fact is that it’s hard to concentrate on writing when the inner demons are shouting at you that you are annoying and that people are tired of hearing talk about your horrible past and your painful present. It’s hard to be…

Just looking into your eyes…

…I can tell you have the legs of a writer. I have a yeast infection. Yes. I said yeast infection. I started this blog entry with a funny line to lull you into a false sense of comfort so I could tell you there is fungi growing in my vagina. I’m tired and I feel…

It’s Monday. I don’t care if it’s Tuesday; it’s Monday.

Every single time we have a long weekend, I start it with good intentions of productivity, not going to bed too late, getting up early, getting things done! Every single time, I go to bed at 1:00 AM on the first night and every night after that. Every single time I get bad sleep and…

To write about it…

…or not to write about it. That is the question. Sex, family, friends… what is mine to tell and what is not? What convenient lies do I perpetuate? Which secrets do I keep? I’m not asking you. I’m telling you that I’m asking myself. This question is always there, at the back of my mind, when…

You hate me!

(TRIGGER WARNING: Child abuse) You hate me! I know it! I’ve offended you, hurt your feelings, insulted your culture, stepped on your toes and/or microwaved your favourite squirrel. The jury’s still out, but I quite possibly caused World War II and ruined the ending of your favourite television series. You hate me. My anxiety said…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! Sometimes you just need to let it out. I AM trying to focus on the positive. I AM trying to distract myself from the mind numbing, paralyzing anxiety and physical pain. I AM trying not to dwell on the bad news and the sadness. I am…

Steven, Captain Americat, Ear Re-Piercer.

Ladies and gentlemen, FUCK TODAY! This morning, I ruined a shirt in the wash, I will have to return two cardigans because they’re hand wash only and I have a fucking life and no time to waste hand washing clothes!  Vin got massacred at the dentist earlier and now has an acute asthma attack from…